i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wish they made helmets for livers.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
