what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
