It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize