Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
