I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
