it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
