Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
