dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
