you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
