Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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