Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
