Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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