It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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