hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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