$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
