So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
