do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
