just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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