I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
