and next time when you feel me up, do it right
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
