someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
17 year olds will be the death of me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize