It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
