he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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