it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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