I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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