i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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