Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
