Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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