Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
