so explain again why im purple
no
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize