i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
