haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
