I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
