cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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