this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
