Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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