Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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