so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
