Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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