Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
