you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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