Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
