Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
