Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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