I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I want to make a zoo with you.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
