i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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