for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
