New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
