so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize