WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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