pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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