Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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