Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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