I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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