just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize