About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
