thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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