she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
