i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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