lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
