please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
