I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
