i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
