I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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