dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
