Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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